Concentrated Larn !
Thursday 14th November, the scene was set for i14, not only the largest british larn but the largest attendance of Gurkhas and their attaches that the world has ever witnessed !
I would normally list the sick twisted individuals that made there way to Newbury but there were so many it would take up most of the page, suffice to say that all but 3 of the clan were there and an additional 30+ weekend warriors joined our ranks.
Early tentage
A number of us arrived early on the thursday night so we could get in those extra few precious moments of larn, despite freezing weather and torrential rain, most brought tents with them and we commandered an area under a huge marquee to set up our tents.
Every larn needs its tents !
Doon shows reaps how big the breasts he saw the night before were
The main event
We were in the new grandstand building again, this time they put up a load of black plastic on the windows so it was a perpetual weekend of night, good for computer screens .. bad for your head :(
Although this time we were allowed to go on the top floor, which was set up as a chill out area and cafeteria.
The X-box from i10 made a reappearance, those that read the i10 page, or were
there, will remember the X-box with a slight suicidal tendancy. Luckily this
time it was the people on the second floor that had to suffer it's constant
noise !
The usual suspects
As well as a whole host of new perverts to join our ranks, the usual suspects were there and proving the point that larns attract the worst type of people and that the government should shut them down as soon as possible :)
Nerd tries to show us his "Fonz" impression, sadly nerd was so infected
with lose from this impression we had to take him to the vets to be put down
:/
Bert looks shocked as we tell him the news about nerds death, but goten just
laughs and carries on playing as he's a heartless bastard.
A surprise visit from the international african sunset blond tennis star,
Boris Becker, cheers us all up :)
His arrival causes so much enthusiasm from the crowds that no one can be arsed
to play computer games anymore as they all come down for his autograph,
Only dtall is left, looking forlorn, as he professional womens lawn bowls
to tennis
Once all the excitement had died down it was back to the gaming. We played 4K in the raven shielf tournament and beat them ! .. I took out the whole of the 4K side in one round, my one and only claim to fame. I'd like to say it was talent but I strongly suspect the god of random pure flukey luck was staring down on me that day :)
Kikarse is overjoyed to find out what the on button does on his monitor, after
years of thinking you only played computer games by sound alone it was a novel
experience for him :)
For the first time at an i-event, we had a female presence that was actually female (nerd is normally the token female but it's not the same). The arrival of Bad_Mojo caused a stir amongst the masses,
She claimed she was here to fix the refrigerator, but with no moustache or
dodgy music playing in the background, we knew this porno intro was a farce
from the word go !
The sight of a lady was too much for Wizza, hormones in overdrive he just
had to cover up using his tower.
Nerd misunderstands the concept and instead tries to stare down noodles top,
but noodles is wise to it and brushes him aside.
As part of her initiation to larn, we managed to trick mojo into thinking
she'd deleted the entire internet...
When mojo found out who's idea it was to trick her, she grabbed the nearest
chair leg and gave dtall the shock/enjoyment of his life.
Another first time larner, Reaps, was disgusted at the sight of dtall being
impailed on a chair leg.. although later off camera he admitted to being slightly
aroused by the whole scene.
Larn problems
Every larn, theres always one or two that have some minor problems with their PC's, from drivers conflicting to something coming out of it's socket in transport. Then we get on to people like Fondle, theres usually a sweepstake running at each event for just how many times he'll have to format before the weekends out, and also how long he will be there before his computer goes wrong.
Fondle prepares for format number 7, and it's only thursday night !
Luckily for most problems theres always someone there thats had the same problem
before and knows how to fix it, or has backup drivers etc.. but in fondles
case he has an army of helpers that are ready and waiting to format his machine
for the 380th time :D
Inertiaman tries to look inconspicuous as he can hear fondle getting ready
for another format in the background.
Minty looks less than impressed as fondle cries out for format number 17
Reaps claims he's eating and bert just looks away as fondle seeks help for
format number 23
Weekend of larn comes to an end
With the sweepstake won by kick, who correctly guessed at 317 formats over 3 days, it was time to start packing up and trudging back to the life of no-larn.
As the call went out for a group photo, badda explained to us that him and
nick weren't going to be in it because they had something else they needed
to do first.
Noodles and mazz were well up for the photo as they'd just been to the toilets
to snort some uncut win, bert was pretty angry in the background though as
someone had swapped his win for lose.. someone snorting lose is not a pretty
sight :/
This is the result of the governments "care in the community" policy,
it causes scenes like this .. one day people will realise this scheme doesn't
work and people like these will be locked up for life !
Another weekend of living the dream comes to an end, see you at i15,
Bugstomper